Let's end this

THE one-and-half-year-old boy kidnapped from Bugolobi, an upscale Kampala suburb, three weeks ago, was yesterday found killed in a swamp in a Kamwokya slum.

Three people are being held in connection with the kidnap and murder of the boy, a son to Sven Karekaho of the Uganda Revenue Authority and Naome Karekaho, the spokesperson of the environment watchdog, NEMA.

The family was too devastated by the murder.

If this doesn't break your heart, i don't know what will! Allow me, therefore, to suggest possible ways of proceeding that will not only ensure that the suspects give up credible info but will also send a stern message to would be copycats.

Warning: Some methods suggested in this post are likely to offend those sensitive to images of pain and blood

1. The Hand Saw: straight down the line brutality

Torture devices don’t come more downright extreme than the Hand Saw, and the diagram leaves little to the imagination. The victim was hung upside down to supply the brain with oxygen and slow down the blood loss so that they didn’t lose consciousness and died a suitably slow and excruciating death.

This cheap but effective two-man torture method was used to cut people in half throughout the Middle Ages, with those accused of adultery and blasphemy among the many who felt the Saw’s teeth bite. In Russia it seems to have been a favourite with judges for witches impregnated by “nightmare devils” or even by Satan himself. Now there’s an argument in favour of contraception.

2.The Guided Cradle: intruding where it really hurts

OK, let’s get this over with: an excruciating looking instrument sometimes referred to as the Judas Cradle or Chair. The accused was sat on top of a pyramid-shaped seat, with the point implanted rudely in their naked nether regions.

Some theories suggest the idea was to stretch and slowly impale the victim, with weights perhaps added to their legs. Others reckon the emphasis lay on hoisting and repeatedly lowering the victim onto the tip, varying the pressure while keeping them awake – hence its other name: the Vigil. Either way, it was pretty near unbearable. Apparently originally designed to get people to talk without causing undue injury and breakage of bones, it could still easily break the skin – while also leaving a few mental scars – and was potentially fatal. Heard enough?

3.Lead sprinkler

This tool, which kinda reminds me of a holy water sprinkler, was filled with either molten lead, tar, boiling oil or boiling water, then used to bless, errr, torture its victims by dripping its contents on their stomach, back and other body parts. Sounds like standard S&M practice to me, only with a greater deal of pain.

4.The Wheel

This device is known by many names, such as breaking wheel and Catherine wheel, but it only means one thing to those who perished by this means: pure agony.

The Wheel is more like an execution device, but the hours before actual death is excruciating. The victim is tied to the side of the wheel, then gets every bone in his body shattered one by one by an executioner using a hammer or an iron bar. Victims of this form of torture often took hours, or even days to die. Some were “fortunate” enough to be granted “mercy”, in the form of fatal blows to the chest or stomach.

5.Revolving Drum

Think of this one as somewhat akin to grating cheese, only this one grates a human torso ever so slowly. A popular tool in Spain for extracting information from prisoners many years ago, the Revolving Drum calls for victims to be put into it face down, their heads through the upper pillory and their legs firmly strapped. Their torsos pressed against a spiked drum, the prisoners are then asked questions. Any sign of resistance, and the torturer then slowly rotates the drum one full revolution. This process is repeated, and torturers even go to the extent of placing weights on the backs of victims to further press their torsos towards the spiked drum and cause more pain. The result, naturally, is death by very slow disembowelment.

6.Rat Torture

This method tortures both man and rodent, but it is man who tends to end up dying a horrifying death. A victim is completely restrained, and a full-grown rat is placed upon his or her stomach. The rat will be confined within a cage placed on top of it, which would then be heated, freaking the rat out enough to frantically burrow its way into the only way out: the victim's stomach and intestines.

7. GOLOLA!

.....Please feel free to suggest any more results oriented methods that i may have missed.