1.NTV reporter: '.....Kazini was killed by a hit on the head with a 2mm metal bar...'
Pardon me,mister..isnt 2mm about that ' ' wide? wat r we living in? zion?
-i wish all othr suspects wd also b quickly processed n not left to rot on remand.
2.A friend of mine mentioned dat guys mek d best hairdressers...
Meks sense,d inborn rivalry among babes cant permit them to do anything dat would mek their rival stand out,hence the burnt in d drier storiz(yeah,even i have heard thoz). Guys,on the other hand, love to look at nyc looking babes.
3.Uganda Waragi,the SPIRIT dat binds us!!?? seems to me like d devil was behind dat tag line....Be loosed in the name of JESUS!
4.Then thrz d radio one...'Dancing yo soul to eternity'...can literally hia d evil laugh. think on that next time u nod yo head to church heathen n dog si natas n...Lord help us,help mi!!
5.Wen u col me n instead of focusing on u, i throw my hot babe in yo face, tek a hint! i'm actually not complaining wen i se she is God's definition of beautiful. She beat u 2 me n am ecstatic abt that...move on n hope u find anthr like me(tok of a wild goose chase)
6.d arse(bleep) is an exit
7.Nigerian movies r called so 4 a reason....lets leave them thr!
8.At Kazini's(dude has d lol-est nem given d circumstances of his death) requiem mass,Sevo was referred to as d chief mourner! i bet even d wife was feeling sori 4 him 4 his loss
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
looks vs heart
'I know she's not much of a looker but once u knw her, u cant let her go.' 'The problem is dat u guys concentrate more on the looks n not d heart,' he adds in a self righteous tone.
Way to go, bruv...but let's agree to disagree on this one n fault me not for not being God, who can c d heart right away. Riddle me this tho, wen u c ha for the 1st tym, do u notice wat shade of black ha heart is? How do u find out that d heart is pretty?..... allow me to rephrase....wat draws u to say hello?
Is it not the fair skin, toned legs, pure seduction scent,etc? As i was growing up, my dad shared with me 5 fundamentals....allow me to pass them on. He said, 'If u bring home a gal as a wife to be, make sure she:
1. looks hot
2. is born again
3. isn't blonde
4. is hard working
5. isn't broke
n yeah, was in that order.
U c, tis not abt u having angel Gabriel's heart but look like a friend of mine's big toe, think that 'cobra' is d new old spice, have bows that van persie would b jealous of, etc
Tis not about u having d best motherly instincts n the most encouraging words to say n...
Yes, thoz do count...but tis also abt me holding my head up high wit u in my arm at a cocktail party, abt me not walking on the othr side of the road yet we are going to d sem destination n telling u i,m doing it so i can check u out n u buying d excuse, tis abt introducing u 2 my pals n have them shoot themselvz for failing to get thru to u....i cd go on
So my friend, d heart should b beautifully wrapped in a desirable package lest i am not inclined to saying hello n getting her number.
Make sense?
In a nut-shell, it helps to b Joan Murungi ....'nuf said
Way to go, bruv...but let's agree to disagree on this one n fault me not for not being God, who can c d heart right away. Riddle me this tho, wen u c ha for the 1st tym, do u notice wat shade of black ha heart is? How do u find out that d heart is pretty?..... allow me to rephrase....wat draws u to say hello?
Is it not the fair skin, toned legs, pure seduction scent,etc? As i was growing up, my dad shared with me 5 fundamentals....allow me to pass them on. He said, 'If u bring home a gal as a wife to be, make sure she:
1. looks hot
2. is born again
3. isn't blonde
4. is hard working
5. isn't broke
n yeah, was in that order.
U c, tis not abt u having angel Gabriel's heart but look like a friend of mine's big toe, think that 'cobra' is d new old spice, have bows that van persie would b jealous of, etc
Tis not about u having d best motherly instincts n the most encouraging words to say n...
Yes, thoz do count...but tis also abt me holding my head up high wit u in my arm at a cocktail party, abt me not walking on the othr side of the road yet we are going to d sem destination n telling u i,m doing it so i can check u out n u buying d excuse, tis abt introducing u 2 my pals n have them shoot themselvz for failing to get thru to u....i cd go on
So my friend, d heart should b beautifully wrapped in a desirable package lest i am not inclined to saying hello n getting her number.
Make sense?
In a nut-shell, it helps to b Joan Murungi ....'nuf said
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Theatre of reality!
Ok Fergie, time to throw the bouqet. Oi, Rafa stand next to Voyeur & Potato. Shut up Sven, BE CHAMPIONS !!!
Why men should write advice columns
Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increas ingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
......................................................................................................
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine... Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
WALTER
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increas ingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
..........................
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine... Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
WALTER
Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
1.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
2.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
3.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
5.One word: Flatulence!
6.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
7.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
8.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
9.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
10.Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
11.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
12.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
13.Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
14.Shadow box.
15.Lean against the button panel.
16.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
17.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
18.Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
2.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
3.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
5.One word: Flatulence!
6.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
7.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
8.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
9.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
10.Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
11.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
12.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
13.Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
14.Shadow box.
15.Lean against the button panel.
16.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
17.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
18.Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Fun at Your Local Pool
1.Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
2.Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
3.Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
4.Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
5.Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''
6.Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
7.Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
8.Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
9.Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
10.Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
11.Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
12.Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
13.Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
2.Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
3.Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
4.Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
5.Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''
6.Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
7.Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
8.Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
9.Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
10.Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
11.Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
12.Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
13.Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
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